By David Allan King
1. Critics are failed artists.
2. Critics are failed journalists.
3. All critics are bad. All critics are bad.
4. If you don't make it sexy for them, they won't come.
5. They didn't even research this before writing about it.
6. All critics have a personal vendetta.
7. Never piss off a critic.
7. They just didn't understand the interpretation.
8. All critics are single, lurking in the shadows of a dark room.
10. They didn't even see the same show I did, or why would they say that?