The Friday Five, February 17, 2012

(fig. 1)

FIVE WAYS TO SIT IN THE AUDIENCE

Try these out with your friends!

by Matt Raudsepp of Matt and Kyle and Matt

1. Nobody To My Left/Somebody To My Right: Safe (fig. 1)

The Holy Grail of assigned seating. Some “theatre goer” didn’t go, and you find yourself with an empty seat next to you. Throw that elbow open and extend a foot into nothingness… this play is going to be good! Pro Tip: use the empty spot for your jacket, bags, and program.

The Friday Five, January 27, 2012

FIVE THINGS TO DO WHEN A BLACKOUT OCCURS DURING A PLAY

by Matt Raudsepp of Matt and Kyle and Matt

Give someone near you the middle finger

We've all been there before... you arrive at the theatre and run into that acquaintance you secretly despise. You're forced to be pleasant with them before the show begins, making small talk, secretly interior monologuing pure hatred and anger at your misfortune. Well, when the house opens, mark where your "friend" sits down. At the first blackout, stand up in your seat and violently flip the bird at your unassuming target. Do it stealthily and silently, but extremely forcefully for maximum enjoyment.

The Friday Five, January 6, 2012

FIVE REVIEWS OF WILDSIDE FEST SHOWS BASED ON THEIR TITLE (I HAVE NOT YET SEEN THESE SHOWS)

I'm not even going to read the previews, or any captions or descriptions of the shows. I'm simply going to review what the titles imply.

by Matthew Raudsepp of Matt and Kyle and Matt

The Friday Five, December 9, 2011

FIVE GREAT THEATRE EXPERIENCES THAT WEREN’T THEATRE AT ALL

Inadvertent drama is happening all around us. The following are five “shows” I’ve suddenly found myself thrust into as a reluctant, yet eventually fascinated and riveted, audience member.

by Matt Raudsepp of Matt and Kyle and Matt

The Friday Five, November 18, 2011

FIVE FIRST AND LAST LINES FROM FIVE PLAYS I'LL NEVER FINISH WRITING

by Matt Raudsepp of Matt and Kyle and Matt

1.

Curtain.

Eloise Tree enters her modest apartment and collapses onto her couch, face first.

Eloise: (muffled) hmmpf mm hmm ab tull!

[...]

Eloise spins around and falls into Dr. Gully-Veneer's chest.

Eloise: (muffled) grambbmmm hmmpf yub refwoo!

Fin.

The Friday Five, October 28, 2011

FIVE LITTLE KNOWN FACTS ABOUT THEATRE

File under: Top Secret (filed under Bottom Secret).

by Matt Raudsepp of Matt and Kyle and Matt

Theatre was invented by an alien race

Long ago, just prior to the time the great pyramids were built, an alien race settled on Earth. While they had publicly enslaved us to build massive monuments to their gods, they had secretly come here to create an ancient-times “reality show” for their weekend entertainment. These aliens watched us in our newly built slave-homes behind the veil of an invisible “fourth wall”. Human interpreters were present in the alien viewing rooms to translate or expand upon things said or done by the unsuspecting ”performers”, and as such, developed an eye for the drama of human existence. Theatre was born.

The Friday Five, October 7, 2011

FIVE COLOURS THAT WERE ABANDONED BEFORE DECIDING ON “GREEN ROOM”

Legend has it that theatres used to have multiple “green rooms”, with each one’s walls painted differently to accommodate the multiple moods and eccentricities of the actors who occupied those spaces.

by Matt Raudsepp of Matt and Kyle and Matt

The Friday Five, September 16, 2011

FIVE DECONSTRUCTIONS OF THE WORD “THEATRE”

Did you know that the word “theatre” is actually an acronym? Most people don’t know the history. The name given to this form of live performance was originally written as “T.H.E.A.T.R.E. T.H.E.A.T.R.E.”. When deconstructed, it spells out sentences explaining the discipline. The following five historic couplets have defined an art form for eons - literally millennia.

by Matthew Raudsepp of Matt and Kyle and Matt

The Friday Five, August 26, 2011

FIVE FICTITIOUS THEATRE COMPANIES

I wouldn’t be surprised if some of these already exist. No, scratch that. I would be VERY surprised.

by Matt Raudsepp of Matt and Kyle and Matt