The Friday Five, February 24, 2012

Five Reasons Why We're Stopping The Friday Five

Your worst nightmare has come true. The gates of hell have swung open and flaming horrors scream through your mind, devouring your happiness, your sanity, your very will to live. Where once you had faith, there is now only darkness. Where once you had strength, there lies a broken child. Where once you had hope, there sits a steaming pile of hopeshit. The Matt and Kyle and Matt Friday Five has come to an end, and with it, the end of all things. Why? Choose one of the answers below. 

by Kyle Gatehouse of Matt and Kyle and Matt

1. We've All Gotten Very, Very Fat

Typing has become impossible, not only because our fingers are too fat for keyboards, but because we'll have heart attacks if we move or think.

2. We're Too Cool For Blog School

Blogs are so Internet 2.0. When they start beaming pure information into the back of our eyeballs, we'll consider a return to Internet stardom. Until then, we're going retro and sending telegram jokes to the highest bidders. A little bit old is uncool, but a lot old is ununcool. 

3. Death Is Our Fetish

We'll get triple hard boners from the wave of suicides that are sure to follow this post. 

4. We're Handsome Millionaires

We've got lots of hot rich things to do, like drive to the living room and pet our tigers. Pools don't swim themselves!

5. Theatre Is Dead

Spider-Man: Turn Off The Dark. 'Nuff said. 

Thanks to our parents for reading, and thanks to you other eight readers as well. 

Please send all cheques and telegram requests to:

Rich Fatties

69 Handsome and Funny Boul.

Hollywood, CA

90210