The Friday Five, September 9, 2011

Five Unconventional Characters that should make it to Broadway

Most Broadway shows these days are adapted from movies and TV shows. Even Pee-wee Herman has his own Broadway show (a kids’ show host, inextricably linked to taking his penis and balls out in public). If he can make it to the Great White Way, then there’s plenty of room up there for these unconventional fun-loving characters. 

By Matt G of Matt and Kyle and Matt

Alf 

What most viewers thought while watching this hilarious half-hour sitcom was “Wow, what potential!”. And nowhere is that potential more likely to be fulfilled than on the Broadway stage. Alf tells the story of a friendly and charming extra-terrestrial who visits and then befriends the Tanner family. Although in the TV show, the character was achieved using state-of-the-art puppetry, on stage it would obviously have to be played by a little person in a suit. But in a world with hardly any parts for Dwarf actors, Alf would be like the Othello for little people, minus the tragic ending... or maybe not.    

Golden Girls 

This one is a given. Who wouldn’t pay a hundred and thirty dollars to see old women in a retirement home having sex? And I would urge producers to have nudity in the show. Firstly, it would make the production grittier and more realistic, and secondly, a lot funnier. Do this sooner rather than later, and you might actually get Betty White to reprise her role as the incorrigible Rose Nylund. The others are all dead. 

The Taster’s Choice Coffee Guy 

In the late eighties, Nescafe released 12 episodic commercials that had viewers glued to the television for six long years. On stage, these two nameless characters would also flirt and tease as they enjoy rich delectable instant coffee. The show would be divided into approximately two hundred 30 second long segments, separated by lengthy blackouts. And each segment would end with another subtle coffee-related cliff-hanger.    

City Slickers

City Slickers tells the heart-warming tale of three friends on a journey of cow-herding, male-bonding and self-discovery. As a play, it wouldn’t be easy to produce, since at some point early in the story, there is a stampede, and to do the story justice there would have to be at least four dozen live cows roaming the stage. We can’t lose the stampede. The stampede is the catalyst, and it represents the characters’ chaotic passage through their mid-life crises. But they’ll find a way. This story is resonant and life-affirming and I will not die happy until I see City Slickers in bright lights and a charge of live cows taking over the theatre. 

Snagglepuss

A beloved Hanna-Barbera character for almost 60 years, Snagglepuss would make a delightful two-hour show. I can already see Nathan Lane in a pink lion outfit roaming the stage and evading those pesky poachers. With a top hat and cane, Snagglepuss is remembered for being the only gay Hanna-Barbera character, and just before dashing out of frame, he would yell “Exit, stage left!” It sounds to me like he was made for the theatre. More than anything else though, it’s important to introduce the character to a whole new generation of girls and boys, who when they hear the word Snagglepuss, think it means a girl who has a pierced vagina and gets it caught on her underwear.