Ya ain't watching TV, Mofo!
by Gaëtan L. Charlebois and Estelle Rosen
Joel Fishbane outlined a pile of don'ts for Fringe companies, but what about the people in the seats. We are all aware that many who come to the Fringe are seeing theatre for the first time, and while that warms the heart and sings to the future, it can also be one giant pain in the arse. Here are five things a good Fringe spectator should not do (but many will anyway). If you meet the villains, tack a printed version of this to their heads. (Also, feel free to make additions to our five in the comments section below.)
1) Your kiddy or grand-kiddy is in a Fringe show! Ain't that grand 'cause it DOES mean they are approaching the big time! But if you want the rest of the audience to treat him or her with a whit of respect, PUT AWAY YOUR FUCKING FLASH CAMERA!
2) No doubt your opinion on the theatre piece is valuable and interesting and will undoubtedly be enjoyed as you line up for the next show, but right here and now, during this one: SHUT UP!
3) All that exotic food you got at the Street Sale? A tiny theatre during a play is where the delicious aroma of garlic becomes the pong of garlic. PUT AWAY THE GODDAM PICNIC!
4) If the production is so bloody awful you cannot contain the giggling, DON'T STAY! Even if it means walking across the stage, it is more acceptable than shrieking with laughter during a death scene.
5) Aisle seats are great, especially in the confines of a miniscule Fringe theatre - stretch your legs into the aisle, houselights down....comfy cozy. Hmmmmmm. Then comes the latecomer and a lawsuit for bridgework. DON'T TREAT YOUR THEATRE SEAT LIKE A LA-Z-BOY!